i remember that i must have been 6 or 7. we lived in a trailer park somewhere outside of Dallas, TX. very near or during the time i had chicken pox, we had to dig out the septic tank behind the trailer. stinky. 

vivid memories from this time are when i was ‘lost’ for several hours, actually ran away with some local kids to play in some mud-hole that was i guess a foundation for somebody’s home. got in a lot of trouble for that, which i couldn’t understand at the time, because i was 2 blocks away, yet as far as my parents were concerned i was 200 miles away. i guess i scared them. 

there were these weird fruits that i can’t remember what they’re called, but they’re green like a tennis ball and weigh more than a baseball, but slightly softer. neighborhood kids used to throw them at each other. hurt like hell. 

i was terrified of school. it took great bribery and down right force on my mother’s part to even get me in the door. i’m still not sure hwhy, but it is a problem i still have today. once i get into the school or situation, i’m fine. it’s getting me there in the first place. 

i also remember a story on the local news about an infant who’s father(or mother) couldn’t take the screaming of his(her) baby anymore. solution? to stuff the child under a couch. the baby died. people were horrified. i was. the official line from the police was that it was drug related. my mom was either pregnant with my younger sister or had just had her. i’m not sure.

i remember also that my sister was barely brought home and in excitement or frustrations, never can tell, i bolted across the living room, flying through the air, landing squarely on Casie. i cried. i don’t remember crying so hard, but my mother says it is so.

i remember going to a ranger’s baseball game while my mother was pregnant. she fell down the stairs as we we’re leaving. i imagined that we rushed her to the hospital, but i’m not sure.

my mom used to work as an office cleaner with a friend Jodi. i don’t ever remember going with her to work, but every-time i drive by a tall office at night i see my mother in her uniform backlit by the greenish glow from the fluorescent tubes filtered by the window treatment that was meant to block the sun during the day.

there are other things that i ‘remember’ from stories told mainly by my mother, some from my aunt. like how my father’s biological mother showed up in texas after my sister was born. how my mom caught her doing blow in the bathroom. i don’t feel like i ever made a connection with her, though there should be as a ‘blood’ relative.